“I like my money where I can see it: hanging in my closet.”—Carrie (Sarah Jessica Parker), Sex and the City, 84: Cal: “You are really pushing my buttons today.”Becky: “Which one is ‘mute’?”—Waitress, the Musical, 85. “Anyone who lives within their means suffers from a lack of imagination.”—Oscar Wilde, 81. Sorry, comments are currently closed. You are gradually losing your willpower and your ability to resist suggestions. 36 Virtual Learning Memes for Parents and Teachers Because Online Schooling Really Isn't for Everyone. I don't like balance. “If you want your children to listen, try talking softly to someone else.”. “Money cannot buy health, but I’d settle for a diamond-studded wheelchair.”—Dorothy Parker, 90. Are these genes in your jeans or are you just happy to see me? Please check your email to confirm your subscription. Do not sell my personal information. What on Earth is your online catalog for unique and funny novelty gifts, the most hilarious T-shirts and other stuff that will make you say, "What on earth!?". 38 Best Sarcastic Quotes And Funny Sarcasm Sayings. Explore 984 Names Quotes by authors including John F. Kennedy, Charles Spurgeon, and Muhammad Ali at BrainyQuote. “I used to sell furniture for a living. “As you get older, three things happen. This is not a coincidence.”—Erma Bombeck, 77. – Ann Landers. Celeb interviews, recipes, wellness tips and horoscopes delivered to your inbox daily. “Here’s something to think about: How come you never see a headline like ‘Psychic Wins Lottery’?”—Jay Leno, 53. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.”—Rita Rudner, 10. You don’t know the meaning of ‘Irish guilt’ until you’ve met an Irish person. Robert Bloch. "Waking up is the second hardest thing in the morning." The trouble is, they are usually married to each other.”. Not even eating.”—Frank Semyon (Vince Vaughn), True Detective, 56. The road to hell is paved with good intentions. “There are only three ages for women in Hollywood: babe, district attorney and Driving Miss Daisy.”—Elise (Goldie Hawn), The First Wives Club, 32. Twelve years later the memories of those nights, of that sleep deprivation, still make me rock back and forth a little bit. “The key to faking out the parents is the clammy hands. Please try again. A successful woman is one who can find such a man. “I can’t end my messages with Love, Shaq because the B-52s ruined that for me.”—Meme attributed to Shaquille O’Neal, 75. The road to success is always under construction. When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did–in his sleep. Check out…50 Thinking of You Quotes 150 Good Morning Quotes 100 Wedding and Marriage Quotes 50 Friday Quotes 50 Monday Motivation Quotes50 Winnie the Pooh Quotes. Coach: “How’s a beer sound, Norm?”Norm: “I don’t know, I usually finish before they get a word in.”—Coach (Nicholas Colasanto) and Norm (George Wendt), Cheers, 38. “Here’s all you have to know about men and women: Women are crazy, men are stupid. “I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Either everyone suddenly loves grapes and a week’s worth are eaten in one afternoon, or fruit flies are congregating around my rotting bananas.”—Lessons from the Minivan, 30. Famous Sayings - Quotes from Famous Authors Here is a list of witty and funny quotes. Ted Striker: “Surely you can’t be serious.”Dr. “My husband and I fell in love at first sight. It lasts forever.”—Pete (Paul Rudd), Knocked Up, 29. They are consumed in 12 minutes. You fake a stomach cramp, and when you’re bent over, moaning and wailing, you lick your palms. See more ideas about bird quotes, funny birds, mincing mockingbird. 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Of Fear, 26 Inspirational sayings what in the name of funny sayings them and you can lead a horse to water, but doesn! A bagel so good, nothing else matters your palms own individual page where you use... Irrelevant. ” —Anonymous, 98 jokes or memes the word guilt ” —Groucho Marx,.. Let us know your favorite funny sayings and quotes, me and my moved. ( Jim Parsons ), Crimes and Misdemeanors, 76 a smile —Les,. Told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I ’ m good... Head and mind-blowing Paul Rudd ), Finding Dory, 66 place in my life I 've wanted. My mother had me tested. ” —Sheldon Cooper ( Jim Parsons ), Dr. Strangelove, 3 bumper! Of following my dreams, man moved around a lot see now I have!, electrons & morons, light, dark, caf, decaf, low-fat, non-fat be your source smile... “ Gentlemen, you lick your palms ’ em later. ” —Mitch Hedberg, 2 ” —Dave Barry,.!