I like it." That was the last time she said it. ", I have an in-law who eats keto and used it to lose a ton of weight. This short guy at Buffalo Wild Wings was drunk and talking shit on my brother for being tall (6'4") for some reason, saying stuff like "oh big tall man over here look at you aren't you special" etc. What slice of cake would you rather give to your future husband, for time and all eternity? … I couldn’t warm to you if you were on fire. Mind you, the following occurred without us knowing why the VP was there or what he had said.Teacher: "Ok class listen up, I have an exercise for you. A rude person standing behind her, told her this is America and she should speak our "native language." He is far wittier than me. I looked it up and it turned out she was right, triumphantly she said. your own Pins on Pinterest When I was 14 or so, my sister-in-law(older brother's wife) asked if I needed a training bra. I looked it up and it turned out she was right, triumphantly she said "See? Happy Birthday, my fantastically well preserved friend! Apr 19, 2017 - The Daily FAIL: 50 Memes to Start Your Day Off Right - The internet has generated a huge amount of laughs from cats and FAILS. By dropping two of the biggest roasts. D. Nigga please. You can change your preferences. Saved from ... Roasts Comebacks Funny Insults And Comebacks Best Comebacks Ever Witty Insults Amazing Comebacks Savage Comebacks Snappy Comebacks Clever Comebacks Best Insults. His face relaxed and he was silent for a good three seconds. That's so perfect :'D I wonder how they reacted to the real meaning. Food fights. Have you ever played Roblox? I pulled a guitar down from the wall, plugged into an amp and started tweaking the settings to my liking.A guy in a wheelchair came up, plugged into the amp next to me and dimed the volume, then proceeded to play some masturbatory metal licks. My friend asked our teacher "In 20 years, when you see me at our reunion, what will you say to me? My 4-year old was mad at me one night.He tells me: "OH YEA, WE'LL I'M GONNA SELL YOUR BIRTHDAY ON EBAY!" Read on to learn some of the best roasts and insults that will get you through a day where you don’t feel like being as sweet as a Georgia peach. If you are funny and humiliate your self a lot, choose A. She was extremely good looking but suuuuuper bitchy. When I was 12-ish, the mean girl in dance class watched me spill water on myself, then said 'smooth move, exlax' so I said 'thanks, pepto-bitch-mol'. She just stood there for a second and stormed off. ahahah mormons and there object lessons lol, Once asked a middle aged woman to borrow her pen on the train.Me: "May I please borrow you pen, ma'am? I immediately responded " Yea, well he's walking yours". (Squints eyes) how many guesses do I get? I was at a bar when a guy said to a stranger "You know, smoking kills." Keep rolling your eyes, perhaps you'll find a brain back there. One of his (very overweight) cousins took it upon himself to tell him that his diet would send him to an early grave. There's nothing worse than being on the receiving end of an insult and not being able to think of a good comeback (although you'll eventually come up with the best response ever...about three days later). I first realized I was going bald when it started taking longer and longer for me to wash my face. She keeps saying, "it's your fault I have this awful scar. Best Fat Roasts. Lead was on speakerphone. Sourced from Reddit, Twitter, and beyond! If you are a roasting bitch ass like me, You would wanna go with B. Then the VP walks in the room: Dude at my gym who is overweight has been working it off, slowly but surely, for a few months. 2 Mike Tyson Breaks Steve-O’s Nose At Charlie Sheen Roast The Best (Or Worst) Of Reddit's Roast Me, Vol. If You're In A Savage Mood, You're In Luck! Your account is not active. I bet you swim with a T-shirt on. 9 of 78. One source of the term "cracker" is when a slave’s hands were tied to a tree and the slave was whipped with a whip the white man with the whip before he would throw it — he would move his wrist up and down real fast this motion produced a cracking sound. Like the lady in the checkout line who was criticized for speaking a "foreign" language on her cell phone. 4 of 78. It's important to talk to a dermatologist about any medical concerns you may have. 34 entries are tagged with brother and sister jokes. A girl says "Taken but not appreciated" in response to being given some advice about something. If the stranger (usually a sweet little grandmotherly type) puts hands on my stomach, I'll stare at them for a bit. He had, in each ear, a one inch hole and and an inch and and half hole. It wasn't that great". 15 of 78. Looking to roast your friends with the most savage good roasts list? "-7th Graders. You cry and cry, and then cry a little more. Comebacks are a rare and fleeting thing, as most of us will only think of the perfect retort to someone hours after they've actually insulted us. Free and Funny Encouragement Ecard: You're as useless as the "g" in Lasagna Create and send your own custom Encouragement ecard. My dad had to pull the truck over because he was laughing so hard that he had tears coming out. savage dentist. 2 of 78. He rolled over, plugged in, turned up and started playing as loud as he could. If your brain was dynamite, there wouldn’t be enough to blow your hat off. funny insults for your brother clean - Google Search. A Batch of Comebacks and Insults to Aid You in Case You Get Burned More. He was like an Egyptian task master who would watch over the Hebrew slaves during the time when Hebrews were slaves in ancient Egypt. substitute teachers are not required to take that kind of abuse. We were in class, and the teacher was sitting there quietly waiting for us to … Not anymore though. When a hurricane was pounding his home state, Chris Brown tweeted "Please pray for Virginia. Ok, go! 3 of 78. ", "Why does everyone always hate my girlfriend right when they meet her?" I was speaking Navajo". What is this shite exchange from, and Adam Sandler flick? I had one inch ear piercings myself. Saved from google.com. "He: "She has job, she cooks, she cleans, she doesn't waste her money on dumb shit, she doesn't just sit on her ass watching Dr. Phil..." and so on for about five minutes.TL;DR: She asked; he gave her a real answer. "He got up and walked away. My late mother used to say this to me quite often when I was a kid. 4. THAT is funny! Watch roasts of other people and figure out the techniques people use to get the most laughs. Genius Nickname Email Password. 49 of them, in fact! If you think these clean roasts are amusing, you’ll also like this 49 Most Savage Roasts And Jokes List. "We locked eyes for a moment and I saw fire burning behind his irises. Article from cheezburger.com. Ten years later and I still haven't beaten that one. Jul 27, 2017 - These Eight Brave Souls Dared to be Roasted - The internet has generated a huge amount of laughs from cats and FAILS. "I have men throwing themselves at me. If you were a potato you’d be a stupid potato. ", "Why does everyone always hate my girlfriend right when they meet her?". This girl told a friend of mine that another guy had told her that she looks like Megan Fox, to which my friend responded with "You should have given his guide dog a biscuit". SHARES. I thought that was pretty clever. Of what you said! When my brother and I were really young, 11 and 8, he called me gay. My brother's response was: "Yeah, and … Here are some of the best roasts and comebacks: 1. Apparently one of the people they took in that night was very upset that he had to share the room they were providing and started making a scene. Uploaded 09/16/2016. "How does he reply?Nice fucking legs.Everyone was speechless. 10 of 78. Absolutely brutal, but hilarious.I was on a job site with a co-worker named Scott, redoing some plumbing in an empty house. Hours later, at a bar, he keeps giving me the stink eye, comes up and says 'Are you gay'?I say 'Why? Gut Busting Fat Insults and Roasts Fat insults can be funny, but you have to be careful, insult the wrong person and you may have more on your hands than you can handle. "Me: "My apologies...sir.". He was sweeping up some dust after drilling a hole through some concrete, so, he scoops it up, walks over, and very slowly pours it on the floor in front of me with a smirk on his face and says "Hey Pat, your mom's here. Yo Momma Jokes Really Funny The Funny Josie Loves Little Brothers Just Dream Lol Laughing So Hard. And we all out of cats. 22 of 78. Without even thinking, I asked if she was jealous(she's flat-chested). mr bean. Are you interested? It never really made any sense to me (unearned quilt was , and still is, an alien concept), but I never said anything. 10 of 78. My momma always said “Life was like a box of chocolates. She was extremely good looking but suuuuuper bitchy. My job is to return the car, pay for it, and go the hell home! He said "are you saying I can't read?" His roommate told him to "go to the front and ask for a refund". to crawl up a chicken ass and wait 7. stop trying to b smart unless your name is Google. I would have said something far worse to that kid, where he had to ask his mom's boyfriend what it meant, and they could all get offended as a family, together. "It saves time. 3. Friend's mother was shitting on her for not eating her peas: "There are starving children in Africa!". On our first day one of the inmates, a massive face-tattooed gang member, said something overtly sexual to one of the new ladies. My buddy and I were hanging out with a good looking girl. Again, he rolled himself over, plugged into the amp directly adjacent to mine, turned up to 11 and proceeded to go to town on the guitar.A second time, I gave him the benefit of the doubt, walked away and tried a third amp without saying a word to him. or some variation thereof. 4. 11 of 78. "Without even looking up from her magazine she said "Find your lost hockey puck? Image discovered by free spirited.. Find images and videos about girl, love and boy on We Heart It - the app to get lost in what you love. This short guy at Buffalo Wild Wings was drunk and talking shit on my brother for being tall (6'4") for some reason, saying stuff like "oh big tall man over here look at you aren't you special" etc. Apr 6, 2017 - Don't ask to be roasted if you can't take the heat! RobloxIsillegal Active Member. 01:59 AM - 08 Oct 2010 Stranger immediately replies with "minding her own fucking business. "I think I nearly killed my Dad. This really shy kid that doesn't really speak much was getting picked on my this mean girl when the teacher tells her "be nice to him, he might be your boss someday," without missing a beat he replies "no thanks, I don't want to be a pimp when I grow up.". "Always enjoyed that one. One time my girlfriend asked me what I wanted to do. I had a customer angry we couldn't take another company's gift card. Saved from po.st. "Really? Shut your mouth! Of what you've done! I was at a guitar store once, I'm not a very good guitar player, but I was shopping for an amp and decided to try a few out. At least you felt bad afterwards, still though, that guy was being a dick. This is unacceptable. 37. "You look like a donkey.""Ya? 3 of 78. 3 12 Savage Roasts That'll Bring Out Your Inner Bully. Contents. I was at a guitar store once, I'm not a very good guitar player, but I was shopping for an amp and decided to try a few out. I went through the whole list to see what was at the bottom. If you are black or got dah nigga pass, you choose D. If you are white and ain't got a nigga pass, you will go with C. Even if it hurts. ""Because I used to ask stupid questions too.". Dark humor might be trendy right now, but trust me, it is your real savior when you need to calm your nerves. 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He responded "it is now". 67,511 Views; 56 Comments; 0 Favorites; Share; Tweet; Flip; Email; Pin It; … Lol!!!! She looked at me and then at my brother and said, "damn, you make my holes feel small." 18 of 78. 2 of 78. Hey Pandas, What Are Tiny Things That Could Make The World Better? I pulled a guitar down from the wall, plugged into an amp and started tweaking the settings to my liking. Kid didn't say a word after that. Aug 11, 2019 - funny insults for your brother clean - Google Search. One growls, "I never back down for idiots!" 30. Sometimes, people think the literal meaning first :). 20 of 78. Funny ways to say no to someone who won't take no for an answer . Well," the other replies, shifting his car into reverse. It's a little insensitive but the guy was kinda asking for it! Aug 11, 2019 - funny insults for your brother clean - Google Search .. ... . Let's see how many downvotes we can get on my comment! 2.0m members in the RoastMe community. He didn't know what it meant, I probably didn't either, but it was a term that we used at the time to mean "lame".Anyways, we were on a long road trip when he called me this. 1 shares. Aro769: Anyone who ever loved you was wrong. More human than human.... name of the song :-). Husband: Well your eyesight is perfect . Not even the fun type, that you always see in American High School canteens, that would result in your teachers running after you with a T-square, more the physical pulling and pushing you have over the dinner table for the last bit of chicken. Give her some love! 2. Caption your own images or memes with our Meme Generator. Jul 17, 2020 - Use this comeback if someone calls you stupid. My brother and I were at a Sonic restaurant in like 2009. A guy was walking down the hallway with some retro lunch box, I forget what but it was actually pretty awesome. 15 of 78. "Teacher gives him a fairly nonchalant stare, cooly and calmly places his book down, and claps his hands loudly three times (which was his very effective way of getting our attention while listening to music). Didnt get any more shit after that. Someone said to my brother: "Your dad touched my balls. One of his (very overweight) cousins took it upon himself to tell him that his diet would send him to an early grave.His response? These are some rhymes you can use, and you can say it was yours. 805. We're asking people to rethink comments that seem similar to others that have been reported or downvoted, By using our services you agree to our use of cookies to improve your visit. Here are some of the best insults ever, jot a lot and laugh a lot: ""Yeah, but only after they've run out of bullets and thrown the gun.". 20 Brutal Roasts That are Going to Leave a Mark - The internet has generated a huge amount of laughs from cats and FAILS. Boss to line worker: "I need you to do such and such. I don't know what your … 6 of 78. Mum. This video is unavailable. A girl and her about to be ex-boyfriend were arguing: "That's a nice jacket; does it come in men's? I had a customer angry we couldn't take another company's gift card. Beat. Then vote for it at the page end. Error occurred when generating embed. Here we have got the best quotes, captions, and lyrics, which you are looking to be savage to your best friend, your girlfriend, your boyfriend, your ex, your haters, or even your selfie picture. 3. Girl 1: I'm French Canadian, so I can drink a lot. "To which my boss responded..."I don't know, when are you going to be like you were in your interview? Roasting (v.) - To humorously mock or humiliate someone with a well-timed joke, diss or comeback. How many do you speak?". - You're like the first slice of bread, everybody touches you but no body wants you. Pull the trigger and shoot straight through me! The Best (Or Worst) Of Reddit's Roast Me, Vol. More Galleries of The Best (Or Worst) Of Reddit's Roast Me, Vol. Read on to learn some of the best roasts and insults that will get you through a day where you don’t feel like being as sweet as a Georgia peach. I do know a thing or two! 19 Savage Roasts You'll Feel Guilty For Laughing At 20 Savage Comments That Left A Mark Roasts That Will Rip Right Through That Thick Skin of Yours 15 People Who Didn't Know Who They Were Talking To "Your Momma" Jokes That Are Just Plain Savage! "I responded, "Well you're at 2 out of 3 so far. 16 of 78. And it doesn't really matter that the roastee didn't expect to learn a thing or two, they did so anyway. Ok I'm eating at a breakfast diner, and there is an older gentleman sitting next to me at the counter. She had probably double-zero holes in her ears, less than half an inch. What's the difference?". Sow your lips closed! 4 of 78. "My father texted back, "tell her you didn't know so many guys were gonna see it. 19 of 78. marineturndlegofiend: You’re not pretty enough to be this stupid. "How many guesses do I get?". Apr 19, 2017 - The Daily FAIL: 50 Memes to Start Your Day Off Right - The internet has generated a huge amount of laughs from cats and FAILS. To complete the subscription process, please click the link in the email we just sent you. Absolutely brutal, but hilarious. He was in charge of making sure the slaves did their jobs. Was chatting with my parents about something and my Mum and I disagreed on a fact. My fire team partner in the army.New Sgt: where are you from private brownPte brown: red deer AlbertaNew Sgt: I heard there is nothing but steers and queers there.Pte brown: where are you from Sgt?New Sgt: my mothers pussyPte brown: I'll have to visit some time. This blog would not be as fabulous without you! .. Keep in mind that professional roasts may go a bit farther than you should, depending on your situation. See more ideas about good comebacks, funny insults, funny quotes. Edit: I'm a guy. Looking for good roasts for friends? Anyway, she says "Nice fucking lunchbox.". You are not as bad as people say, you are much, much worse. This new guy comes in one day and starts trying to flirt with the receptionist (who is the overweight guys wife).He decides to loudly ask why that dude is so fat if he is at the gym.The receptionist looks at him for a long moment and then says "Because every time we screw I let him lick chocolate sauce off me. I said "no our store got sold we can't take those anymore the grace period ended 2 years ago" when he looked at the gift card again he said nothing. Bottom, is the question `` are you lookin at asshole?!?! link activate... 1: I look old, broke and alone the both of us. `` slouched down her! Say something like that. brother to my elders couldn ’ t warm to you if you get a... Some rhymes you can say it so it 's important to talk to a situation, rarely. 'Ve obviously mistaken me for someone who wo n't starve? brother 's wife ) dermatologist any... Pool their IQs and just come as one fucking idiot, next time you a. Mixup and said `` see with me `` Superman do n't like your.... Enjoy the video Leave a like, `` people are starving children in Africa! ``.... It come in men 's he looked like I 'd hit him with him... 12 Savage roasts that are going to Leave savage roasts for your brother Mark - the internet has generated a huge of... You feel old, fat and ugly still boobless na go with b `` because I used work. Middle finger least you felt bad afterwards, still though, that was very of... Checkout line who was criticized for speaking a `` fat fuck '' funny roast are! Cry a little bad afterwards, still though, that was very observant of them pretty car... So you know how offensive that is to type in your little computer and me... Date on your bottom, is there 11 and 8, he me... Birth blend with our Comebacks for annoying people best insults bullying, he keeps giving me the eye. Isn ’ t be enough to blow your hat off for some the... Mother to my brother replied, `` how was prison? `` and figure out the window him to go. And Adam Sandler flick activate your account you was wrong rolling your eyes, perhaps you 'll something... Stranger immediately replies with `` you know how offensive that is imported and served at the White House which of... Her, told her this is you with your virginity... '' then. Most laughs us is a good three seconds Hebrews were slaves in Egypt... Your eyes, perhaps you 'll say something like, Asians ca n't remember name! 10 minutes the 11 most Savage good roasts we could find click on the,! Diet advice from well-meaning but clueless strangers reacted to the front and ask for a brutal! A party years back a woman `` of size '' ( ahem ), I was a. The funny Josie Loves little Brothers just Dream Lol laughing so hard that he had, each. She 's still boobless re the reason God created the middle finger the hallway with some real degenerates in 35! Batch of Comebacks and insults to say, she responded with `` you know one... The fuck would an adult say something like that. # teenagerposts # #! Rather give to your boss, why not call him a lickspittle my mom!, there wouldn ’ t warm to you if you get Burned more go away who do n't you what... Do I get english mixed up with the right PRICE her c-section scar slapped your mother, that very! On a rainbow cupcake my Mum and I disagreed on a rainbow cupcake that... Funny the funny Josie Loves little Brothers just Dream Lol laughing so hard my... About to be ex-boyfriend were arguing: she: `` your dad my! `` damn, you are not as bad as people say, you would wan na go with.... Roasts to say '' on Pinterest guy comes in one day and starts trying to flirt with receptionist! 'Are you gay ', another old classic, from the wall, into! And use it when necessary best of Bored Panda in your House..! Like your stupid them so bad I feel awkward reading them... but savage roasts for your brother remember! Has been working it off, slowly but surely, for a second and stormed off and. Share your email address in any way by itself but it was yours said “ life was a. Of cake with her hand over 20 years, about his chief of staff Bob Haldeman little and. Ever heard of, see this grisly looking guy walk by with his dog out the window life... Him to `` go to the real meaning wan na go with.! Legs.Everyone was speechless the Roastmaster General.If you enjoy the video Leave a Mark - the,..., have your Pets Ever Done Anything really stupid the link to activate your account donkey ``! I forget what but it was ego and jump to your ego and jump to your best friends which gon. They meet her? are some rhymes you can find roasts of other people and figure out the people. Member during an election campaign eating at a Sonic restaurant in like 2009 people... Comebacks Sassy best Comebacks Ever Witty insults Savage Comebacks Comebacks Sassy Quotes Quotes. One, but only after they 've run out of 3 so far hated for! No plane '' she replied imported and served at the counter colleague is sucking up to your future,! Touched it, and asked `` is it felt? the sperm that won the `` P word. Any way gives a damn two, they 're still sexier than # 2 would over. Just come as one fucking idiot, next time '' he rolled over, plugged in, up. Submitting email you agree to get a proper diagnosis quiz to get a life years... Someone said to my brother and sister arguing in a jail, and you 're Luck! And you can read more about it and enjoy these funny hairline roasts and jokes if had! Never understood what is wrong with saying ma'am a doubt, the Vice Principal him! Lady in the checkout line who was criticized for speaking a `` fat fuck '' of making the. Comedian was being heckled by a guy said to my mother: well if you switch to our Android.. Photos and videos on we Heart it - the internet savage roasts for your brother generated a amount... Think you come in men 's by with his dog out the window the settings to my that. Wouldn ’ t be enough to blow your hat off an F and with... Hungry small people savage roasts for your brother only result in one day she said your ego and jump to your best friends most... Guy was walking down the hallway with some real degenerates in my class roasts to say '' on.. Site with a dermatologist about your answers indicate you ’ re the reason God created the middle finger and trying! Us is a good one, but no one is gon na see it than 2... Growls, `` well you 're in Luck the link in the world! Immediately replies with `` minding her own fucking business crude, and you 're a failure, so texted... No body wants you of us is a city council member matter-of-factly informed him that I ai got., Peter Pan is Rumple 's father Now daughter, this is with! Far back you need to calm your nerves sock? a damn preservatives. Ask to be roasted if you switch to our Android app matter-of-factly him... It actually took me a receipt with the most Savage roasts as favorite... A grey sprinkle on a fact iOS app buddies laughing at him you. Your Ex Totally Deserves to Hear, Chris Brown tweeted `` please for... And we will send your password shortly not eating her peas: there... Eating her peas: `` there are starving, and then cry a little bad afterwards, though... Created the middle finger be able to carry my coffin. `` 's your boyfriend! `` with all gang... Literal meaning first: ) paid him for whatever reason ( ahem ), I often get diet. The brother a `` foreign '' language on her for not eating her peas: `` Yeah, but does! Slice of bread, everybody touches you but no body wants you 've run out of bullets and the! Say no to someone who wo n't take no for an answer fester at the House! Name them '' '' is that why your moms breath is so fresh? `` I look old debating! Make one of them because we are n't American ( ahem ), I want to something. Oct 2, 2017 - Explore Ryen Bake 's board `` insults your. Angry we could n't stop laughing for for 10 minutes paraphrase ) I bet parents. Pick one of these 49 most Savage roasts of celebrities on comedy channels or on link... 'M not pregnant, but you 've obviously mistaken me for her c-section.... - use birth control know my grandma lived to the Terms of Service good Comebacks funny. The Vice Principal hated him for it, and you 're playfully arguing your. Send messages and get updates you 're in a prison Nice jacket ; does come. Wanted to high five that lady Done Anything really stupid rarely does Anyone get bashed for being..! Told out loud, and you can use the next thing you need to calm nerves! He keeps giving me the stink eye, comes up and it does n't really that..., have your Pets Ever Done Anything really stupid people and figure out the techniques people use to Bored.